


Wings to Fly

by Endraking



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst Spiral, Dark Thoughts, Gen, Nolan Needs A Hug, Nolan POV, Outsider's Perspective, Pack Dynamics, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scott Needs A Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, a bit OOC, lost in thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 20:04:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endraking/pseuds/Endraking
Summary: After everything that happened with how his life changed, Nolan feels like a ghost.  He decides that it might be easier for everyone if he were to become one.  On his venture to his final destination, he finds an Alpha dealing with similar thoughts.





	Wings to Fly

The last mission had been a disaster.  Then again, disasters were what he'd become accustomed to.  After Gerard and Monroe's hunters went back into hiding, striking out against the protectors of Beacon Hills at their leisure, few were left that took part.  Nolan was one of them.

Life had returned to some semblance of normalcy for most of the small community with the pieces damaged by the war slowly being rebuilt.  The school was mostly in tact with a few painted over spots from bullets being imbedded in the concrete.

The hospital fared similarly, mostly fixed from when it became a warzone.

Structures were easy though.

There isn't enough paint and spackle to cover the wounds left behind in someone's psyche.  Especially an impressionable boy, completely in over his head, lured by heightened fear and the honeyed words of the good guidance counselor.

His family life was a series of uneasy quiet and tension, pushing him to run away.  While his parents accepted that he was a pawn, that he didn't kill anyone, the weapons didn't need to bear his fingerprints for their damning gazes to place the blame.

Even in the counseling sessions his parents had assured him they didn't blame him, and he couldn't have known but he wasn't foolish either.  There were three words that were forever stricken from their vocabulary when he was behind those lonely doors, "I love you."

His friends and school life were scarcely much different.  The only sounds reserved for him were the bell and the directions of his instructors.  Even if he tried to contribute, his hand held high for some level of recognition, he was never selected.  He was a living ghost, the only sign that he existed were the hushed whispers and glares of contempt from his peers.

He existed but simultaneously didn't.  He even tested the theory, skipping his classes for an entire week.  Not one instructor placed him as absent.  Not one assignment was marked less than a C, even if he turned in a blank sheet of paper with his name.

Not only was he ignored, but the message was clear.  "Even if you want to stay, we don't want you."

The only saving grace that helped him retain the slightest bit of grounding in the living world was the pack.  He knew he wasn't a member and wasn't trying to pierce the inner circle.  He wanted to belong somewhere, even if that somewhere was gravitating around the outside.  At least from the outside his words were heard and the light would occasionally fall on his face.

Which pulls him back to the crunch of the dead leaves under his chucks as he climbed the hills deep within the preserve.  That disaster.  He not only agreed to participate in the last mission, even against all of the requests for him to stay out, he insisted he could be useful.

The hunters had captured the youngest member, a tall, skinny boy by the name of Alec.  Alec was unfamiliar with exactly how desperate the hunters had become in the land guarded by the True Alpha, so the poor boy was easy prey, spirited away in a van during broad daylight.

As things had become accustomed in Beacon Hills, no one saw anything.

He was supposed to stay back with Mason and Corey, prepared to help Stiles but he didn't listen.  He couldn't sit back in that sedan, playing on his phone when the only people that mattered to him anymore were in danger.  He'd brought the crossbow with him to do something more than listen to the couple talk about their worries for Alec.

He even reached the house as bullets flew and howls filled the air.  While the hunters were distracted, he'd managed to break into the back of the building.

He'd known the structure from when Monroe ran and trained hunters, so it didn't take him long to make it to the interrogation room.  When he opened the door, he'd found the boy.  He'd hoped he'd made it in time.

Life could be cruel.

Even after they'd returned, the pack was quiet and any noise or twitch he made was met with down turned gazes.  He'd failed again.

He pulled himself up the steep hill, grabbing ahold of the thin trees as he made his way to his destination.

He'd resigned himself.  If he were a ghost everywhere, a ghost to everyone, then maybe he should be a ghost.

He couldn't stomach the visions that flashed in his mind whenever he steps foot in the hospital, couldn't breathe whenever he stepped into the chemistry classroom where he assaulted Liam, or the library.  His life became hushed whispers, nightmarish visions, death, misery, and non-existence.

Whatever he aimed to protect himself from when he first allied with Monroe was lost entirely.

The cool air splashed across his face as he reached closer to the cliffs.  For the smallest moment he wondered if maybe life had a kind side and maybe Gabe became a beautiful angel.  Maybe he would even catch him, explain and change his mind.  Maybe even share the secret of life.

The idea seemed laughable. 

There wasn't a secret. 

It was pain. 

Brett and Lori's. 

Gabe's. 

And now little Alec's. 

There was no kindness.

If there had been one act of kindness, the hunters would've caught him, mistaking him for the wolf two years his junior.

No.  There was nothing.

He made it to the bushes and struggled to break past the branches when a sound had him frozen.

A gentle sob.

Then another.

He crept around the bushes, trying to remain as small and insignificant as he felt, but hidden like the ghost he thought he was.

Slowly, he made out the figure.

Scott?

Scott was crying?

He shook his head as he peered through the leaves of the brush and watched the slumped figure of the Alpha, sitting on a rock, his head hanging, no doubt tears falling.

He'd never seen this side of him.  It seemed unbelievable.

Scott was the wall. 

Scott didn't ever break. 

The universe had rules, and this was one of them.  This man saved his life before he ever realized it back in that very library in the incident that gave birth to the lump of fear in his gut that held even to this day.

He was unbreakable.

And yet, he was crying.

The alpha looked to the sky, addressing the distant stars and the moon, "I'm so sorry.  I couldn't save you."

The crack of his voice sent a shiver down his spine.  But it also gave birth to a fire in his chest.

Scott did everything right.  The pack did everything right.  He'd screwed up.  He didn't reach Alec in time.  He'd waited too long in the back of that fucking sedan.

Scott's broken pleas yanked him back, "I don't think I can do this anymore.  I can't keep doing this.  Something has to change."

Slowly he crawled through the bushes, barely out of the forest but still concealed by the shadows.

Scott walked to the edge and looked down the very ravine he chose for his dive.

"People aren't supposed to die this young.  People aren't supposed to have everything that matters taken from them.  We aren't supposed to live in fear of the next time we hear about our friends, our families being killed."  The Alpha's voice boomed as if he were ordering the universe to play by the rules established.  His eyes glowed, with claws extended as he howled to the very moon.

He flinched from the sheer force of emotion but caught the undertone too.  He wasn't the only one feeling helpless.  He took one more step, his foot barely breaching the wall of shadows as Scott's body slowly curled in, his eyes once again looking to the fall.

One by one, Scott listed off names.

Allison.

Aiden.

Alec.

The sobs cracked the words as name after name spilled.  Some he'd recognized from stories, but others were new.

The litany went on for what seemed like hours as name after name spilled forth.  His eyes misted as Scott ended the list with Gabe.

Gabe wasn't his fault.  Scott couldn't have saved him.  Only he could've.  Only he should've.

"I'm not special.  I couldn't do it.  And now?  How can I go back?  How can I face everyone?  Another life."

Scott inched further and the fire in his chest grew.

He couldn't explain why he darted out, why he started with an accusation of anger, but it prompted his movements.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

One question.

Probably the most confident, loud, certain words he'd ever released into the world in his entire life.

Scott turned his head, the drained emotions highlighted with a soft glow from the moonlight.  He should've calmed from the look alone, but he couldn't hold back his anger.

"Nolan?"

His name seemed so tiny.

Much like how Scott appeared and fresh on his flood of adrenaline he closed the distance and pointed at the rock, "Sit down!"

Scott seemed to flinch from his command but obeyed stepping away from the edge and returning to the rock.  When the alpha looked up to him, all that anger, that indignation fled.

"What are you doing here?"

He tried to fake it, his eyes darting back and forth, looking for an answer but his stuttering delivering, "G-gabe.  Y-you said Gabe.  You couldn't save him."

Scott tilted his head and he paced a circle, pulling at his hair, trying to find the words before he spat, "You couldn't because I couldn't.  Yeah, he's dead.  But we didn't kill him.  We couldn't save him."

We.

Two little letters.

Two little comforting truths.

"Alec.  I couldn't.  He-"

He quickly cut off the statement, "You didn't do that either."

A silence hung between them for minutes.

He couldn't meet Scott's gaze.  He couldn't say another word to argue.  His mind flashed back over the scant few things he'd seen. 

He couldn't even imagine what it was like for Scott.

He paced once more and sat next to the alpha.  He could feel Scott's eyes on him as he slumped his shoulders and rested his elbows on his thighs, holding his torso up from the pressure.

The warmth of Scott's hand seeped through his shirt, reaching his shoulders as the alpha squeezed.

"I-I-I'm broken."

His admission.

Another truth.

"You're hurt.  Not broken.  Things break but people can heal."

He turned his head and met Scott's gaze.  "And you?"

Scott pressed his lips tightly, "Beacon Hills needs-"

"I-I don't care what Beacon Hills says.  Scott, what about you?"

Another silence.

"I'm the True Alpha."

His vitriol flowed as Scott's words tapped that sensitive part of his psyche, "And I helped murder people."

"You didn't know."

"Y-you didn't either."

They had reached an impasse.  How could he justify Scott's value while detracting his own?  He couldn't.  But he didn't have words either.  He had the chill in the air and the touch of another.

Simple things.

It was a light silence, but an encompassing one.  It seemed to enrapture both of them as Stiles and Liam stepped out of the forest and Stiles loudly complained, "There you are.  How many times have I said no wandering around the preserve after dark?  It's like you're looking for trouble."

Stiles looked to him and pointed, "And you brought the kid too.  Isn't it past his bed time."

Liam chimed in, "Technically it's past my bed time."

Stiles shot back, "Hey!  I told you what we were doing before.  You were mission critical."

Scott released his shoulder and stood, walking to Stiles and pulling him into an embrace without prompt.  The fight from Stiles ended as he patted the top of Scott's back, "Love you too, Scotty."

He watched the pack.  Liam hugged both of them and it seemed like some sort of balance was restored.  His eyes didn't move as they spoke, nothing much, just the pack sharing the burden.

Once again, he was invisible.  Stiles wrapped an arm around Scott's shoulder and Liam mirrored the action as they flanked their alpha.  The two men pulled Scott back towards the forest.

He turned his head and looked back to the cliff as they paced away.

Invisible.

Back to his new normal.

Just as he threw his legs to the other side and stood, Scott called out, "We're headed back, aren't you coming?"

He looked over his shoulder to see Liam, Stiles, and Scott looking to him expectantly, "W-well, I-I thought since y-you're pack-"

Stiles rolled his eyes and added, "Come on Nolan.  It's cold and it's past Liam's bed time."

Liam argued, "Hey!  He's younger than me."

"And he was here before you.  You should really be more responsible with your bedtime."

As Stiles and Liam bickered, Scott insisted, "Come on, Nolan.  Let's go home."

He nodded his head slowly.

Maybe the world did show kindness.

Maybe the world had angels.

And maybe they only have one wing apiece.

A reason to stick together.

And fly.


End file.
